I do this 3 days a week... and sometimes some of the jokes border on offensive... And some I leave out to avoid the headache... But today I left one in... and it offended a few people... and it's below... Just letting you know :)

On Monday, a 71-year-old grandfather  was getting $100 out of the ATM at his local bank....  Suddenly a young woman knocked him down and stole his money, before the machine had even returned his card.

The thief, 22-year-old Erin Vanmatre, also from Kingston, took off running with the cash...

It turns out the grandfather is a Korean War veteran... so he took off after her... and his friend Kevin who saw the whole thing took off after her too...

But Kevin is in a wheel chair... and after a few minutes he rolled up on her and put her in a headlock until the cops could get there...

When asked about the whole thing... Kevin said "I'm going to let someone steal from my boy just because I'm in a Wheelchair??? GET WHELL... I MEAN WHEELIE... THIS IS HOW I ROLL"

***THIS MAY OFFEND YOU***

***REALLY... DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU***

The huge fire at Universal Studios in California did a ton of damage... The King Kong ride was damaged... A vault full of masters of all of the Universal movies were destroyed... and this really got to me because I'm a huge fan... The "Back to the Future" set was damaged pretty bad...

But I wasn't the only one upset... I heard Michael J. Fox was visibly shaken.

On Monday, a  man called the fire department at 3:00 A.M. begging for help.  When they showed up, they found the guy holding his junk.

The man said he was afraid of losing his junk... so the firemen made him drop his pants so they could see what was wrong.  That's when the firemen saw 16 stainless steel washers wedged on the guy's manhood.

The guy wouldn't say how metal washers wound up on his junk... but the problem was that the washers were now STUCK...

He should have thought long and hard about this one... By the time the firefighter got there this guy was really screwed... He had to be nuts...