This guy is my hero. A man walked into a 7-Eleven in Las Vegas, stole a beer, and THEN stole a bus. The best part .... he did it all naked, which reminds me of one of my life mottos. If you are going to make an ass of yourself, show your ass doing it ... or something like that.  [Click Here] for the video story.

....and for that, I will always admire him. Here is a CLEAN video of him I found on youtube.com, and some of my favorite quotes follow. R.I.P. George Carlin, May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. You will always be remembered by me and the FCC.

  "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Well ... time to look for a new goal. I am sure the tears are flowing and you are wondering what reason do you have to live for now. To be honest, I just don't have that answer...sorry. Model Maxi Mounds claimed the title of World's Largest Breast in 2005. The type of surgery she had though to make her a 36MMM (scientifically known as 36 Mega Monsterous Mammaries) has been BANNED!!!!! The reason???.... it is unhealthy. Who would've thought!!!! Looks like Maxi will have the record forever now. I provided a pic below, but I am warning you ... do not google her ... unless you are looking to lose your lunch.

Two alligators were spotted at the lake near Windermere Elementary, one 11 feet long, another 7 feet. It's gator mating season, too, so that make them more "feisty." Bow chica bow wow.

I love politics. They are more entertaining than American Idol. If you haven't seen it, Obama flipped Hillary Clinton the bird yesterday after he lost a debate to her.

Next step from Obama, he will dropkick Hillary...finally. Look for the video in coming weeks. And speaking of Hillary, drink like her tonight.

Talk to you tonight on XL106.7's Friday Night Mixphoria starting at 10pm!!!

Some may find it hard to believe that one whos work day starts at noon would find it impossible to sleep in and be late for work. Yours truly has proven that nazi theory wrong and did it this morning ... or afternoon ... considering I awoke to the sun shining on my pretty little face at 12:01pm ... already 1 minute late for work. I HATE when I do this because when I get to work after going 180 down I4 for 5 minutes I am not even awake yet and have that dazed, cloudy head feeling (you know the one I am talking about) HOWEVER, I took steps this morning I've never done before, and by the time I made it into the ClearChannel palace at a fashionably late time of 12:19pm I was wide awake and ready to go. Below I have provided the steps YOU TOO can take if you ever wake up late whatever time of the day that may be. Me passing on this information is my good deed of the day.

Step 1: Perform the regular I just slept in late reaction. Turn to your alarm clock, curse it properly, and scream out "I hate me life"

Step 2: Quickly jump out of the bed and land on your glasses ... which you will instantly remember that you put on the floor when you hear the crunch of glass.

Step 3: Put contacts in your eyes with soap on your hands...soap you would've seen on your hands if your glasses were on. Scream appropriately.

Step 4: Once your eyes stop bleeding, look directly into the mirror at your reflection and admire how attractive you look first thing in the morning

Step 5: Try brushing your teeth with your razor.

Step 6: Turn the shower on and jump in realizing 2 steps too late that you put it on scalding hot.

Step 7: After showering, with tears in your eyes from 3rd degree burns, look for "work attire" on the floor and under the bed, because the "clean" stuff in the closet needs to be ironed ... and you just don't have time for that.

Step 8: Be attacked by the cat

Step 9: Trip over the cat

Step 10: Make coffee without a filter

Step 11: Empty coffee bean stew into sink and scream out "I hate my life" for the second time.

Step 12: Feed cat ... but miss the food pan completely. This will continue helping you reach your fully awake potential.

Step 13: Look for shoes

Step 14: Look for shoes

Step 15: Look for shoes

Step 16: Settle for a different pair of shoes

Step 17: Take one last look in the mirror before you walk out the door.

Step 18: Walk to your car

Step 19: Walk back to your condo to get your keys.

Step 20: Spot the shoes your originally wanted ... put them on

Step 21: Walk outside making your way back to your car

Step 22: Realize you still need your keys

Step 23: Walk back to condo ... again ...

Step 24: Get attacked by your cat ... again ...

Step 25: You are waking up because you found your keys in a prompt matter

Step 26: Walk to your car

Step 27: Did you turn off the coffee machine when you made the coffee you didn't get to enjoy?

Step 28: Look up to the sky and scream "I hate my life" for a third time.

Step 29: Walk back to condo for the pointless trip of seeing that yes, you did in fact turn off the coffee machine.

Step 30: Walk back to your car

Step 31: Drive 180mph down I4 hoping to get a speeding ticket so you can use that as an excuse for being late to work.

Step 32: Find a spot to park in the parking lot while speeding, swerving to miss that old guy that works near you so he can glare at you all day.

Step 33: Run to the door so you are out of breath for when your boss ...who just so happens to be walking out the door at the same time ... says hi to you, you can only respond with a very witty thumbs up.

Final Step: Sit at your chair. If you followed the steps correctly, you should be wide awake ready to have a productive day:)

Have a good Wednesday

You have probably been at a club downtown where it is just PACKED... and at one point you may have had the urge to shove someone out of the way... whether it's to get to the bar for the free shot call, get to the bathroom before you pre-release the 12 beers you just drank, or some idiot is rubbing up on you too close ... whatever the reason, the video below may empower you.

Now here is the story behind the video ...Officer Fernando Trinidad said it was closing time at what was then Club Paris when Jessica Aspirilla started to argue with him in April 2007. Aspirilla stuck out her tongue and spit in his face twice and, the officer said, when he tried to grab her she fell down the stairs. He charged Aspirilla for battery on an officer and resisting arrest, but all charges were dropped. Orlando police launched an investigation when they recently saw a surveillance tape showing the incident. Aspirilla did not file a complaint, but investigators found that Trinidad violated conduct and filed a false police report. "Even though she did not cooperate, that conduct is still inappropriate and not condoned by the Orlando Police Department," said Dwain Rivers, an Internal Affairs manager. (liveleak.com)

The Officer's only punishment was one day taken off of his vacation leave because of his "false reporting." The story has come out again a year later because the release of the video. Cops have to deal with stupid, drunk idiots all the time (me being one of them). But how has this guy not been fired? Surely he could've handled the situation better ... and didn't his mother ever teach him not to hit, push, or kick a female ... regardless of how whiny and annoying they can be:)

They'll be performing on a floating stage in the water at Cocoa Beach Pier THIS FRIDAY!!! Go ahead and joke ... I'm STOKED!!!!! It's like a Miley Cyrus concert ... except it's 5 old guys on Viagra, a lot more beer, and I'll be face down in the sand instead of plugging my ears trying to protect my hearing from 33,867,959 screaming 14 year old girls. Come to think of it, The Beach Boys performing is nothing like seeing Miley Cyrus.

Ashley Dupre was a Girl Gone Wild??? nooooooooo. Who would've thought? So happy she will be cashing in millions for being a prostitute instead of being charged with that silly crime of selling sex for money. (sarcasm) I am currently trying to convice the girlfriend to get with Charlie Crist so we can cash in and I can retire. (kinda sarcastic)

That guy on Friday nights LIVE is really hot ... and should get paid more