....and for that, I will always admire him. Here is a CLEAN video of him I found on youtube.com, and some of my favorite quotes follow. R.I.P. George Carlin, May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. You will always be remembered by me and the FCC.

  "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.